A lot of things in my life aren't where they should be and it's been a really frustrating time for me. I made a goal last month to become more "real". Sometimes I feel like I try to live up to this perfect facade I've created in my head. The "I'm too strong for that" mentality. I have come to the realization that the opposite of that is the truth. I'm weak. Like uber weak...on my own. Luckily, I've realized that I am weak without my Savior Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice.
This has been something that I've really struggled with in my life. I went a long time without having any "serious" sins that I felt like I needed to repent of by talking to the bishop. Because of this, I felt like I didn't "need" the atonement. Thus, when something came about in my life that I couldn't get through, I didn't know where to turn. I got my self into some bad habits that were not only hurting me spiritually, but also damaging my physical body. I knew it wasn't right, and I tried time and time again to stop...on my own. Nothing was working. Until, I became humbled, and knelt down and pleaded with my Heavenly Father to not only forgive me, but to help me rely on the atonement to get out of this trap Satan had me in. I still had to go my part, but for literally the first time in my life, I felt my Savior lift me up and HELP me. I felt the fact that He had suffered for ME. I felt the LOVE He has for ME.
As I've been going through this, I've realized a lot of other things in my life that I need to fix. I need to have my outward actions match the person that I am inside. Therefore, I need to figure out who I am inside. This is hard. But by relying on my Savior, I'm going to do it.
I've debated about posting this for a long time, because well it shows that I have problems. But I think that clicking the publish button is something that I need to do. Not so you can all read this internal struggle that I'm having, but so that I can realize that I'm a work in progress.That I can do hard things, and that with my Savior, I can become the person he needs me to be.
I love the gospel. And I love all of you. Seriously I love that you read this and care about me. You all know who you are and I just want to say thank you. :)
This life is GREAT! I'm so blessed and I couldn't ask for anything more!